friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
