you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
