I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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