So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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