OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
