Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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