I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
