I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
