I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
PANTIES FOUND
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
