The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I believe in your delicious
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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