I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
