So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
