Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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