my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
3pm strippers are depressing
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
