Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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