I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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