her vagine was all disorganized.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
