Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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