worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
