I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
