I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
