Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
