Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
