So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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