Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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