Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
