Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
