I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
