I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
