yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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