hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
