Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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