I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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