Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
