THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
