She went from zero to smokin in five shots
well I can't set my house on fire every night
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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