thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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