i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
