my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
