How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
