Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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