Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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