My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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