i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
