So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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