I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
