Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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