I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
