...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
