I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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