How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
