The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Even my vagina gasped.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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