do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
