i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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