good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
