One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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