The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize