Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
