Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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