I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
