I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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