The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
