I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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