she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
