What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
