Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
