There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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