How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I still have a little drunk in my system
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I deserve this hangover.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
