Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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