Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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