YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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