I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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