well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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