So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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