Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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