After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
