Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dicks are not precious.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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