I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
