Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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