nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im six kinds of drunk right now
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
