You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
