i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I am naked and annoyed.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize