So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
