i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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