Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
