sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
