So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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