she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
