Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
