we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
