Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dick very happy bro
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
