Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
