Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
