Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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