I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
