apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
