We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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