We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
