What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
