some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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